Many people think that Michael Bay has a small penis. While most likely true, this cannot explain him in whole. No one has the kind of elevator button/inny penis that would be necessary to compensate by being Michael Fucking Bay.
For a while I theorized that he was gay. But once again, while probably true, and certainly explains the military obsession and the flames on Prime, even both of them in unison do not explain Michael Fucking Bay.
No, it all became clear while watching a scene from Bay’s most recent foray into accidental, postmodern metahorror masquerading as action/science fiction, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Sam Witwicky, the unfortunately pathetic version of the geek stereotype without any of the winning compensatory qualities (like book smarts, quirkiness, or hobbies, you know, traits), leaves his home for college. He continues a long distance “relationship” with his “girlfriend” made of Megan Fox. Megan Fox plays an unfortunately Voltron-like combination of male fantasies that do not go together, do not agree, and make her an unattractive mutant. Once at college, he is stalked and pounced on by another superhot Baybot. But here is where Bay’s fears finally pop to the surface.
The Baybot straddles Sam, holding him down, when an extremely phallic metal tail protrudes from her posterior and attempts to violate Sam. It doesn’t matter how Sam gets out of this. What matters is how Michael Bay has been and will continue to deal with the issues developed from being raped by a she-male in college.
And, of course, having a small penis and being gay (you see, he knew she had a penis subconsciously). That is all.
Also, Rocket Science is absolutely hilarious. I’ve had it on my computer for months, and just got around to having the patience to watch it. Mostly because I do not like watching movies alone at home. So far, my favorite part is the string and piano versions of Violent Femmes songs that the couple keep doing for musical therapy.
Let the Right One in is also still on the list, just sitting there, being something I’d rather watch with someone else.
There’s not going to be anyone else for awhile. I just wouldn’t feel right about it, being such a technical loser right now.
Technical loser, in that I have no job, no money, I live with my mother and I don’t drive. I am working on several things that any woman in her right mind should talk me out of and force me to get a real job and grow up. But fuck that. I’m just not going to have a girlfriend until I’m someplace where I deserve one. And that may be a little bit.