Joss Whedon’s Avengers

In light of the recent complete debacle over Edward Norton’s firing from the part of the Hulk, in order to wash the taste from my mouth, I’ve now decided to imagine a world where everyone awesome and not awesome alike is fired from Avengers because Marvel Entertainment, despite now being owned by Disney, continually gets cheaper and cheaper. In this new dimension, Joss is forced to hire mid-level, slightly recognizable actors, but not stars — no, stars have egos to satiate and the power to get paid what they’re worth. No, these actors should have followings but no power, and so will be ridiculously cheap. In other words, Joss’s regular cast of actors.

1. Captain America/Steve Rogers: Nathan Fillion.
2. Iron Man/Tony Stark: David Boreanaz
3. The Incredible Hulk/Bruce Banner: Alexis Denisof
4. Henry Pym/Ant-man, Giant Man, Yellowjacket: Alan Tudyk
5. Donald Blake/Thor: Neil Patrick Harris/Bailey Chase
6. Wasp/Janet Van Dyne: Morena Baccarin
7. Vision: Tahmoh Penikett
8. The Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff: Amy Acker
9. Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff: James Marsters
10. Hawkeye/Clint Barton: Fran Kranz
11. Black Widow/Natalia Romanov: Christina Hendricks
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Feel Our Pain!

The girls are always getting on our case about the whole Olsen twins thing (of which I was never a part), and Hermione (who still has about a year of baking to do before she’s my type), even Natalie Portman for some reason even though I’m the same age. I’m starting to worry about the whole Dakota Fanning thing. She’s playing Cherie Curry and…well, I’m afraid. But I’m going to do something for you, ladies. I’m going to show you what it’s like to feel dirty, old, and wrong. Here is Nicholas Hoult, in 2002’s About a Boy:




And here is Nicolas Hoult today:


z_nicholas_hoult_08.jpg Nicholas Hoult image by XenArtemisNight
You’re welcome, now leave me the fuck alone.