Identity Crisis Casting, pt. 2

11. Bruce Wayne, Batman: Jon Hamm. Jon is playing Bruce Wayne right now, as we speak on AMC’s Mad Men. Go on, I’ll wait. He’s so good he makes you re-think the whole Christian Bale thing, which takes a lot. But he’s in his forties already, which makes him bad for the superhero movie, but perfect for his seniority in IC to make sense. He even looks like the goddamn Rags Morales drawings.

12. Carter Hall, Hawkman: Josh Holloway. Basically, Hawkman grunts a lot, is taller than most of the cast, and punches people, while claiming dominance over the gamma heroes that are left when the big guys are away. Sounds like Sawyer to me.

13. Tim Drake, Robin: Thomas Dekker. I loved The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Come on, they’ve got the same hair, people? Plus, (SPOILER ALERT) he knows how to play someone who’s lost a dad.

14. Captain Boomerang: Chris Bauer. Hey! A villain. A lame one, yes, but still important. His lameness is exactly why he ends up being important, and his attempts at reconnecting with his lovechild he gave up for adoption 20 years ago is one of the very human storylines, and why I say IC is The Wire of comics. Chris himself was in the second season of The Wire, and his role on that, along with his look, are why I’ve chosen him.

15. Calculator: Steve Buscemi. Taking a hint from the Bat-crew’s use of Oracle, this formerly lame villain begins selling strategical information and hiring out mercinary villains as a middle man. It’s about Steve’s usual type of role.

16. Diana Prince, Wonder Woman: Jennifer Connelly. Wonder Woman can’t just be hot. She must be perfect. Beautiful in a way that defies logic, hair blacker than midnight, eyes bright by contrast, strong in will and moral certainty…with an amazing rack. Look, I’m not being sexist here, the fact is one of the ways she enters a scene in IC is with a caption reading, “I was impressed. He wasn’t staring at her rack,” to make clear the intimidation caused by the truth lasso. Anyway, Jennifer’s it, man.

17. Hal Jordan, The Spectre: Nathan Fillion. Other than, at this point Hal had gone evil, then sacrificed himself, only to come back as an angel of vengeance all as part of his plan to be a Green Lantern again (which he eventually succeeded at), do I even have to explain this? The…casting, I mean.

18. Barry Allen, The Flash: Ryan Reynolds. Barry’s dead, and so is relegated to flashbacks where he is only slightly older than Wally is now. I always liked Goyer’s casting of Ryan as The Flash, which is why him being Hal Jordan kind of irritates me.

19. Dr. Light: Alan Tudyk. Before you ask, yes, it was hard not to put the entire cast of Firefly in here. Anyway, the most important villain of the story, but screw you I’m not going back to put him higher, Dr. Light is usually the minor heroes like Teen Titans’ punching bag, but it is revealed he wasn’t always so simple. Alan’s role as (SPOILER ALERT) Alpha on Whedon’s Dollhouse has shown that he can play real evil and truly silly, and switch at a moment’s notice.

20. Slade Wilson, Deathstroke the Motherfucking Terminator: Christian Fucking Bale. The Batman of villains, Deathstroke has enhanced reflexes and strength, and uses 90% of his goddamn brain capacity. By the time you make a move, he’s thought of the counter you’re going to think of to his counter and what to do about the three guys you brought with you’s counters to his moves against them after you’re unconscious. Christian is my choice cuz, well, he’s still the fucking Batman, but now he’s the evil, one-eyed Batman who’s one of the only villains to ever have his own title that outsold most of the primary hero titles.

21. Dick Grayson, Nightwing: James Marsden. This guy’s great, and looks so much like a superhero. Why does he have to keep playing second fiddle to bad-asses? Let’s wash the cyclops taste out of his mouth, and let him work out the aggression over never getting the girl in a superhero movie by letting him be that guy: Dick Grayson, successfully beating his way out of the shadow of the Robin mantle.
22. Arthur King, Merlyn: Jason Patric. Stupidest. Name. Ever. …Anyway, this is basically evil Green Arrow, and is one of the primary antagonists, going with Meltzer’s theme of realistically portraying the mortiest of characters in the DC basement.

23. Starfire: Diora Baird. And finally, my coup de grĂ¢ce, and probably subconsciously the only reason I did this fucking list. Starfire is realllly hot. She’s orange with solid green eyes and reddish hair. She’s built like a brick shithouse, and she wears next to nothing, and it’s all purple. She is an alien who’s insulted by the word “trock.” She is the only character who is only in two panels of the book I’ve bothered to cast. Diora Baird is one of those people that if I see a picture of her, my entire body raises 4 degrees and I begin breathing heavier. Seriously, I’ll probably go see Stan Helsing simply to watch the ongoing joke of everyone finding excuses to touch her boobs. I mean, come on. Look at her!!

Identity Crisis Casting, pt. 1

So, here it is. HBO miniseries event, “Identity Crisis”, as cast by yours truly. It was rather easy to find normal sized pictures to use of the actors, but next to impossible to find headshots or any sort of shots of Rags Morales’s depictions of said characters, for a side-by-side comparison, so this B & W pic of the version of the JLA from “Identity Crisis” will have to do. The primary characters of IC are what are usually the back-up characters, e.g. Batman and Superman are of mid-level importance to the story, and Wonder Woman is relegated to an almost mythical non-presence — she only shows up to administer the truth lasso, and to pay her respects at the funeral. Hal Jordan (the original Green Lantern) is a ghost, and Barry Allen (the original Flash) is plain dead for this, so any of you not familiar with DC Comics characters past their most iconic and well-known will have NO idea who I’m referring to, and may want to skip this post entirely.

1. Ralph Dibny, the Elongated Man: Jim Carrey. The soft-spoken, kindhearted husband to the primary victim of IC, Ralph has the ability to stretch his form and shape, which is used to heartbreaking effect when we see what grief does to someone who has no limits to their facial expression. With a limited amount of CGI, the serious Jim Carrey could pull this off easy.

2. Sue Dibny: Alyson Hannigan. Sue was one of the characters that was harder to cast. I couldn’t think of many actresses who could evoke the type of immediate audience empathy needed. I needed someone who it would break my heart to see killed and burned, whether I knew the character or not, and who was within reasonable age proximity to Jim. The last part is why Zooey Deschanel did not immediately get the role.

3. Oliver Queen, The Green Arrow: Kiefer Sutherland. Well, just look at him. I’m sure Kiefer can grow his dad’s mustache from Buffy. Plus, Jack Bauer plus arrows? Yes.

4. Ray Parker, The Atom: Edward Norton. Sort of the opposite of being the Hulk. The Atom can shrink himself down to literally the atomic and perhaps even subatomic level. So small, he can ride the electronic signals from one telephone to another. His relationship with his ex-wife is one of the better and more key situations in the book.

5. Jean Loring: Wynona Ryder. The Atom’s ex-wife, with whom he begins to reconcile once she is targeted by whomever is attacking the League’s loved ones. She looks the part, and has the range to pull off the ups and downs. Also, I’d like to see her playing off of Norton.

6. Zatanna: Rachel Weisz. Sexy and brunette fits a few profiles in the DCU, but age-wise Z needs to be younger than Ralph or Oliver, but still old enough to have been in the original conspiracy with them. Rachel has the right look and can be the seductive magician and the most unwitting yet important part of the conspiracy. Plus, I want to see her in fishnets and a top hat.

7. Wally West, The Flash: Joseph Gordon-Levitt. One of the younger members of the league, Wally took on the mantle of the Flash after Barry Allen’s death. While smart, witty, and fun, Wally’s real role in IC is the discovery of seven of the original member’s conspiracy and subsequent joining of it, so this is mostly a dramatic role. After Brick and The Lookout, I think JGL has shown himself more than qualified.

8. Clark Kent, Superman: Brendan Fraser. While Brenden’s been my choice for Superman for a long time, I wouldn’t necessarily use him if I had the chance to reboot Superman right now, due to his age. That being said, his age would work in a cast where he is technically the oldest member. Although Superman doesn’t age like regular humans, Fraser’s held up well and needs to have authority in his voice. Plus, having been in both George of the Jungle and Gods & Monsters, it’s safe to say he can pull off both Clark and Supes.

9. Kyle Rayner, The Green Lantern: Sean Maher. My actual current choice for Superman, Sean can play the All-American fashion model-looking replacement for Hal Jordan (who had gone through a lot at this point, but was not yet a Green Lantern again). Mostly, his role in IC is to be a little wet behind the ears and unaware of the underbelly of being in the League.

10. Dinah Lance, The Black Canary: Diane Kruger. Daughter of the original Black Canary with a very similar name, Dinah has the power of sonic screaming, much like the X-Men’s Banshee. Her part in IC is basically to argue with the male leads about whether she can take care of herself when they get overprotective, and getting her ass handed to her by Deathstroke. (Everyone does, but this seems to be the only other think Canary does in the book.) After seeing her performance as the actress Von Hammersmark in Inglourious Basterds and Helen in Troy, it’s obvious to me that Diane can play beautiful, deadly, strong, and independent. Plus I want to see her in fishnets and leather.

Identity Crisis

I’m very late in catching up, but I JUST read DC Comics’ “Identity Crisis” last night. It was so good, I didn’t get to sleep until 5:30am because I couldn’t stop. The only complaint I have is that it and “Batman: The Long Halloween” seem to have almost the exact same climax. Both are amazing, realistic portrayals of a superhero world and I am extremely frustrated by them having similar conclusions to their mysteries. If I had to pick a contender, however, it would be Crisis. The artwork, the writing, every single panel earned every emotion with aplomb.

I also was amused by how very like The Wire it was, even down to the out-of-context quotes from the chapter preceding each chapter. Just replace the Baltimore PD with the Justice League.

Anyway, while reading it, it was so cinematic (even moreso than something like “Watchmen”, which actually just feels cinematic but its purely comic) that I began seeing how I would film each part, and who I would cast. Well, at the end of the collection, it turns out the artist cast each part before he drew them. I wouldn’t use any of his cast in real life; while they physically might match up, their ages don’t line up for a realistic cast and most wouldn’t actually be able to play the parts.

So, basically, I’m going to cast the Justice League. I will leave that for the next post due to the amount of work I will be putting into it (there will be pictures, oh yes) and the possible size of a post of that nature. It’s bad enough without all this text from the explanation.